


Close Encounters

by misura



Category: The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Minor Apollo/Midnighter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-19 01:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13113561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Dick spots a guy who kind of looks like Batman. And his platonic work buddy.





	Close Encounters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady_Ganesh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Ganesh/gifts).



"But, padre, he kind of looks like you."

"No, he doesn't. Does he have cool gadgets? Batman has cool gadgets. Is he secretly a billionaire who can afford all those cool gadgets, as well as a ski-resort and a private tropical island? Batman is secretly a billionaire who can afford all those cool gadgets. And _two_ ski-resorts. And _six_ private tropical islands. And lastly and therefore least importantly, because all lists of arguments end with the least important argument: do people call him by putting up the bat-signal? No, they don't. Therefore, he is nothing like me. He's just a guy wearing black who's really, really, really, really - "

"You have a ski-resort?"

" - really, really, really, _two_ ski-resorts, really, really, really, really, or maybe three, really, really - "

"You have a tropical island?"

" - really, really, really, _six_ tropical islands, really, really, really, really, but one's been taken over by radio-active mutants, really, really, really, really, really - "

"Can we go there some day? Like, on a family holiday?"

" - really, really, really, no, really, really, really - "

"Aw."

" - really, really, really, really, and I do mean really, really, really, good at Maths. But bad with money. That is all. And being good at Maths but bad with money is _not_ a super-power."

"You have super-powers?"

"I'm Batman. Being Batman is totally a super-power."

"Okay. So who's that - hey! Did they just put their faces really close together? Like they're - what's the word again for people putting their faces really close together?"

" 'Rendering a movie unsuitable for younger audiences unless accompanied by a parental figure.' "

"Oh. And now they're holding hands."

"Yes. They're platonic work buddies. Holding hands is a totally acceptable way of expressing how deeply you feel about a person. Who's your platonic work buddy."

"Hey. Can we go and talk to them?"

"Analyzing situation ... no. Sorry. This situation only calls for one thing."

"They've seen us. They're coming our way. They look friendly."

"Smoke bomb!"

*

"Hey, babe. Want to go beat the pants off of some bad guys?"

"You mean beat them so hard that their upper bodies will become separated from their lower bodies?"

"You know it, babe."

"Sure. Sounds fun. Hey, you ever think about adopting an orphan?"

"But, babe, adopting orphans is so 20th century."

"How about adopting non-orphans?"

"I guess. Whatever you say, babe."


End file.
